there's this sense, this thing... that thinking of you and us makes me want to be so unceasingly attune to His Spirit and walk increasingly closer with Him...
not just for the reason of us or making our relationship work... but because being with you reminds me, reassures me that living in Him is so much greater than any other way that I could ever live... you remind me that it's not about us being together but it's through Him, by Him and for Him that we were each individually created & called.. and it will be by Him and for Him that we share these lives which He has so faithfully brought into being & protected as His own.
and this want... is not an easy, fluffy, "I really want to drink coffee today" kind of want...
it is a great thirst, an urgency, a sense of utter desperation to be where He is, hearing what He says & believing it, then acting accordingly... there is a growing desperation in me to work out my salvation with fear and trembling...
and for this i am so ever grateful... not only that, but also alarmed (for whenever I want to do good I know evil is not far off) - ready, on alert to preserve harmony with the Spirit and walk cautiously...
So then, my beloved, just as you have always obeyed, not as in my presence only, but now much more in my absence, work out your salvation with fear and trembling; for it is God who is at work in you, both to will and to work for His good pleasure. (Phil 2:12-13)
Devote yourselves to prayer, keeping alert in it with an attitude of thanksgiving; (Col 4:2)
Be of sober spirit, be on the alert. Your adversary, the devil, prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. (1Peter5:8)
This past month, I have become increasingly aware of how high a calling I have been called to (aka one much higher than I have been mindful of). And... when considering His words that I am reminded of by this, what do I see... I see: humility, gentleness, patience, love one another, be diligent to preserve the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.
Therefore I, the prisoner of the Lord, implore you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling with which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, showing tolerance for one another in love, being diligent to preserve the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace. (Ephesians 4:1-3)
I could go on for hours!
The above is an attempt to pull together thoughts that have sprouted throughout the past couple days... I was prompted to finally make words of the scattered thoughts by the following message.
Me: did you have a nice lunch w/ your friend?
JD: yep. talked about you. talked about how I saw God working in my life and in ours
Me: all good things. I don't know that I've heard much of what God is working in your life I've been so busy telling you bout mine. I'd like to hear what you have to say bout that.
JD: well, a lot of it actually has to do with you.
After you told me about how God used me and our conversations to prepare you for the women's retreat, I started looking for other ways in which God might be using me.
(and potentially guiding our relationship)
The first thing that came to mind was how we started talking again out-of-the-blue. I no longer thing that was just a coincidence.
The other thing had to do with Saturday night
There was a moment when I really wanted to kiss you. And for some reason, I had this reservation -- like I shouldn't for some reason. at least not yet. and Then on Sunday, I kinda wished I had / felt like I should've.
But when you talked about how that sort of thing in the past made things hard for your emotionally, I was so glad I hadnt tried to take it there unknowingly before.
And I think that's just another God thing. Protecting us from that.
I just think it's really cool that God Could be guiding our relationship.
I've always wanted him to be at the center of my life, and that includes any relationship I'm in. So it's neat to see that happening in different ways
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