today's aching

i want a companion
i've been needing big bear hugs here lately
a justin hug
or a jd hug
or a papa hug

i've been feeling this way, & then He provides a way
He meets my needs thru His Body alive & living here near me
they have not overlooked me
they have not let me be

they see me in my shell
and they call to me each day

they will not leave me be
they look after me
they invite me each day
into fellowship, companionship, sisterhood, friendship, family

though thoughts of justin as my only sibling
thoughts of how he'll be the one that has always known me the longest
thoughts that bring burdens of years & years of pain
hardship, heartbreak, yearning, & unfulfilled desires

yes, my heart aches. deep, painful, unresolved aches
my God makes a way,
He provides an escape
not an escape from the pain but an escape from being consumed or defined by my pains

He called His disciples to action
His saints He has trained
they obey and act fast
they call my name, they eat with me, they speak with me, they laugh with me,

they call me out
....


AN EDIFYING CONVERSATION

He's just picked up the game, initiated some great convo between me & His saints & they call me to action... i think i've been afraid to be open & there's one girl who's real invested in me in a lovely sisterly way... she invites me over and over and then HE reaffirms that i need to obey

and all this just happening this week...

so i'ma start going to small group next week

DO IT!

i will.. He made that clear last night.

tell me tell me

i've been going to house church which is like a small group except ladies & gents & a married couple hosts & leads but students lead to and it's all discussion based and it's amazing soo real and never fails to strengthen His Spirit in me

well i had talked w/ Megan (next door neighbor who invited me into all this) about how i think i'm afraid to be a part of something b/c of past experiences & she was so understanding and met me where i was ...

that's awesome

then we spoke about purity, importance of having a mentor, improtance of community and being real & honest & bringing things into the light & His Spirit within said yes jesse you will not ignore my call any longer

I like this Megan character

she's amazing. beautiful beautiful heart and love for Jesus and love for others

and to think, HE knew all this was to come when i was assigned room 380 (:

He makes a way for me

and He will continue to

i always knew He would... but just to see it begin to manifest is...

i don't know the word

Isn't it awesome to see God work?

it is. it has been a while.

and I mean truly AWESOME!

the true awesome where there are no words to be said in the moment but rather a deep, content, affirmation recognized in the spirit

that's the one

it's wonderful to feel His Body moving again

life suddenly become more real

If I'm honest... I need more of that.

I love hearing about it, but the more I do, the more apparent it is to me how long it's been since I've experienced it myself.

1:15pm

exactly. & that's how He called me out. hearing Megan talk about all this that's going on in her life while at the same time she has deep, hard, rough, family stuff going on but hearing her talk about how the words in her devo each day were miraculously lining up with what was going on in life that day called me out to do the same. and i picked my devo back up & He has lined up His words and application with where i have been each day.

that was just monday

"keep the faith. Walk with Him today"