third grey day of the week.

deciding to complete a project does not complete the project.

that’s what i have learned today… again. and again. and again. what the crap.

domingo, 27 marzo, 2011

Lord, it’s such a task- being asked to discern a thing such as this.

For history, I was assigned to examine the life and doctrine of Aimee Semple McPherson and decide whether she was a heroine, heretic or hypocrite. Harsh. To place myself in such a place of danger is quite difficult, but then to be forced to analyze another’s heart when they claim to proclaim the Gospel of Jesus Christ my Savior- it has outright distraught me.

I deeply wish to find first hand words, writings written by Aimee herself, something besides a sermon or critique. I want to base my decision on information provided by Aimee herself, not info from anyone else, for everyone is [helplessly] bias.

El Shaddai, please, replenish me daily, wake me to hear Your Words with utter delight. Make me to long for all Your saints with the affections of Christ Jesus. Strengthen me with calm and peace to complete this assignment to the best of my ability, all in the perspective, continued perspective, of gazing deeper and deeper into Your eyes with the intent on knowing You, loving You and all that You love. I do love You, El Shaddai. A good night, You did make it. Amen.

CureKids! kids that will be physically healed as a result of El Shaddai’s lavishing love!

Bertha Maxwell; 2 years old;Awaiting surgery for burn injury

Lezina Kosmasi; 10 years old;Awaiting surgery for burn injury

 

difficult to think that here, in America, these types of injuries can be called simple cases and easily healed (what we typically refer to as “fixed”) while in other countries people can be made outsiders because of them…

These Times…

The stability (or instability) of my circumstances does not matter near as much as the stability of my mind. For the instability of circumstances/situations is inevitable. But the stability of mind despite the circumstance is what is going to keep me being me, and keep me under His umbrella, with a protected mind… by choice (& maybe even habit) acting in ways that spring from His righteous desires and commands.

These times, when I’m not sure I could really go in a deep study… who says a simple but repetitive practice of one piece of His Scriptures is not a deep study? it’s a study thru practice; seeing situations where I need to apply that specific Scripture (or concept from Scripture)… learning to see the signs, praying it over and over, and praying it for others. These times when it seems so easy to focus on myself and what I think I need—what if I simply drowned myself in praying Scriptures for others!?

Oh Lord above all, if I believe it’s already been given me as I ask You this, may it be so that I may receive it! Please!—be my strength and clarity to not delay! to run quickly! to run steadfastly! If it be so, 1000% for sure, it’s all You (for we both no none of that exists in me alone)! & oh it will be so! You are not finished, yet You will continue to transform!

Satisfy all my longings and fill all my hollow places with Your lavish and unfailing love! that i may love You and know You more than anything in my life! more than anything on earth may i please know You!

You.

Today, Lord You woke me up with the lightest head I have felt in months. Thank You thank You thank You!

this week’s Words were…

from 2 Corinthians 3:17

“Now the Lord is the Spirit; and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.”

-I ask Him to satisfy all my longings and fill all my hollow places with His lavish, unfailing love.

(“this frees me from craving the approval of others and requiring others to fill my ‘cup.’”)

--- Then, if someone takes the time to demonstrate love to me, that’s the overflow. I’m free to appreciate and enjoy it, but I don’t require it emotionally. ---

~Where the Spirit of the Lord’s lavish love is, there is freedom!~

from Matthew 4:4

‘MAN SHALL NOT LIVE ON BREAD ALONE, BUT ON EVERY WORD THAT PROCEEDS OUT OF THE MOUTH OF GOD.’ ”

from 1 Corinthians 10: 12-13

    [12] Therefore let anyone who thinks that he stands take heed lest he fall. [13] No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.

Those words; ‘satisfy all my longings and fill all my hollow places with Your lavish, unfailing love’… ‘then, if someone takes the time to demonstrate love it me, that’s the overflow and I am free to appreciate and enjoy it, but I don’t require it emotionally.’ …oh, how these words will permeate my heart for the rest of my life. They will, I know they will, especially now, in this season—I need His lavish and unfailing love, desperately. I know it’s not always a “good” notion to be desperate but when it comes to longing for Christ to satisfy all my longings and fill all my hollow places I believe desperate might just be the best state to be in. I now know that HE is the only one who can satisfy me and who I can rightfully long for and HE is the only one who will ever satisfy me.. so, in view of His mercy, being in desperate longing for Him is the best place I can be right now. ..as long as i take that longing and bow to Him presenting myself and all my longings and hollow places, and clinging to His Words [for man does not live on bread alone but on every word that proceeds from the mouth of God… bread,food and water does not sustain my life NO!- my life is sustained by the words that proceed from the mouth of God!

oh, how i wish with my heart that i could hear that reminder every minute every hour!

Oh, Scholarships.

Completed an application to the College JumpStart Scholarship… answered the question: “What are your educational goals?”

How do you think I did? (judged by content not writing style)

I am working to graduate from college with a lot more than a degree. I'm looking to study Communications with a concentration in Public Relations, in which I'll be able to apply my interests of Photography, Photojournalism, non-profit missions, language, the arts and simply being around people. I wish to learn the ways of my career by studying comprehensively and hands-on, as well as abroad. I am also planning on earning a minor in Spanish, Photography and possibly International Business. Although plans often change, I know I'll end up in a field that allows me to continue learning, practicing creativity and communicating for the rest of my days. Thus, I have great hope to find an environment in which I will learn, mature, grow, and daily strive to fulfill my potential.

Progress is Loss…

“Progress may feel more like loss than gain.” –Mason Cooley

…No, it won’t “maybe” feel more like loss. It will feel more like loss than gain. The progress that the Lord desires for me is not a progressing of my bettering myself but rather of me crucifying myself, descending myself and submitting myself. The ways of the Lord are much higher than ours that they hardly make sense when looking from our perspective. Progress that the Lord requires is exactly loss; loss of self, loss of rights, loss of pride, loss of superiority, loss of reputation, loss of limbs, loss of friends, loss of control, loss of sovereignty, loss of mind, loss of… you fill in the blank.

yes, yes His Holy and Perfect Way is a Way dripping with loss, loss of burdens, loss of sins, loss of shame, loss of fear, loss of death, loss of anxiety, loss of aimlessness, loss of meaninglessness, loss of hell, loss of bondage, loss of being a slave, loss of weakness, loss of weariness, loss of having no escape, loss of unreached dreams, loss of helplessness, loss of failure, loss of being an orphan, loss of ever being alone, loss of lack of options, loss of past mistakes, loss of hate, loss of inability, loss of having to depend on self, loss of everything that is not Him…

can you imagine any better loss to lose? His Way is the Way, & along His Way, you will lose everything that is not of Him… is this the way you are going? Is this the way you wish to go? You will lose everything that is not of Him, yet you will gain everything that is Him. You will gain everything.. if you will gain Him.

Casa Hogar Dulce Refugio

Fuzzy days,

viernes, 25 febrero, 2011

Einstein wrote that, “Truth is what stands the test of experience.”  And as I grow older… [huh, bunny trail on the word “grow”] experience after experience only affirms that the Truth is the Truth.

Winston Churchill wrote, “I never worry about action, but only inaction.”

oh, the joys of a child.

these fuzzy days, i feel absolutely absent.

oh the joy of seeing my sisa <3

“Come to Me,”

martes, 22 febrero, 2011

it’s 9:53A already, but I’ma act like there’s no such thing as time today; Now’s when I’m starting. Get some feel good, blood pumping, neuron-stimulating, endorphin releasing activity in and we’ll take it from there. This body needs to be handled as it needs to be handled. This body requires regularly consistent and periodically constant exercising of its abilities. Required of me, myself, is diligence in good stewardship; in this time of season, good stewardship consists of taking care of that which you have gifted me with- a functional body- but in order to keep it functioning at its best, I must feed it and exercise it as it requires. Therefore, in order to be more like You, continuing in good stewardship, I will exercise my body gladly, knowing that in the choice to act, I am yielding to Your Spirit and power and am walking in Your light.

“Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from ME, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.” [Matthew 11:28-30 NASB]

Jesus, You are the power that makes Matt 11:28-30 available. You, Your perfect obedience, Your descending Your Holy Perfect self to be inhumanely humiliated before the very people You were being flogged for..

However, you are not in the flesh but in the Spirit, if indeed the Spirit of God dwells in you. But if anyone does not have the Spirit of Christ, he does not belong to Him. If Christ is in you, though the body is dead because of sin, yet the spirit is alive because of righteousness. But if the Spirit of Him who raised Jesus from the dead dwells in you, He who raised Christ Jesus from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through His Spirit who dwells in you. [Romans 8:9-11 NASB]

If this is the Spirit I have attained with righteousness, what am I doing?!

Do you not know that when you present yourselves to someone as slaves for obedience, you are slaves to he one whom you obey, either of sin resulting in death, or of obedience resulting in righteousness? But thanks be to God that though you were slaves of sin, you became obedient form the heart to that form of teaching to which you were committed, and having been freed from sin, you became slaves of righteousness.

--I am speaking in human terms because of the weakness of your flesh. For just as you presented your members as slaves to impurity and to lawlessness, resulting in further lawlessness, so now present your members as slaves to righteousness, resulting in sanctification. For when you were slaves of sin, you were free in regard to righteousness. Therefore what benefit were you then deriving from the things of which you are now ashamed? For the outcome of those things is death. ---But now having been freed from sin and enslaved to God, you derive your benefit, resulting in sanctification, and the outcome, eternal life.

[Romans 8:16-18, 19-22 NASB]

this Spirit;; how He helps!

for in hope we have been saved, but hope that is seen is not hope; for who hopes for what he already sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, with perseverance we wait eagerly for it.

In the same way the Spirit also helps our weakness; for we do not know how to pray as we should, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words; and He who searches the hearts know what the mind of the Spirit is, because He intercedes for the saints according to the will of God.

[Romans 8:24-25,26-27 NASB]

this Spirit, that raised Christ from the dead and dwells in me, how powerful He is!

Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly beyond all that we ask or think, according to the power that works within us, to Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus to all generations forever and ever. Amen.

[Ephesians 3:20-21 NASB]

His divine intimacy..

For the word of God is living and active and sharper than any two-edged sword, and piercing as far as the division of soul and spirit, of both joints and marrow, and able to judge the thoughts and intentions of the heart. And there is no creature hidden from His sight, but all things are open and laid bare to the eyes of Him with whom we have to do.

Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold fast our confession. For we do not have a high priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but One who has been tempted in all things as we are, yet without sin. Therefore let us draw near with the confidence to the throne of grace, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.

[Hebrews 4:12-16 NASB]

Savior, You Mighty One are the One that I wish to know intimately- entwine Yourself into my fibers, make me to know Your joy and gladness, renew me with a steadfast heart, Your right hand upholdeth me. 

Therefore, let us fear if, while a promise remains of entering His rest, any one of you may seem to have come short of it.

For indeed we have had good news preached to us, just as they also; but the word they heard did not profit them, because it was not united by faith in those who heard.

For we who have believed enter that rest, just as He has said, “AS I SWORE ON MY WRATH, THEY SHALL NOT ENTER MY REST,” although His works were finished from the foundation of the world.

For He has said somewhere concerning the seventh day: “AND GOD RESTED ONT HE SEVENTH DAY FROM ALL HIS WORKS”; and again in the passage, “THEY SHALL NOT ENTER MY REST.” Therefore, since it remains for some to enter it, and those who formerly had good new preached to them failed to enter because of disobedience, He again fixes a certain day, “Today,” saying through David after so long a time just as has been said before,“TODAY IF YOU HEAR HIS VOICE, DO NOT HARDEN YOUR HEARTS.” For if Joshua had given them rest, He would not have spoken of another day after that.

So there remains a Sabbath rest for the people of God. For the one who has entered His rest has himself also rested from his works, as God did from His. Therefore let us be diligent to enter that rest, so that no one will fall, through following the same example of disobedience.

[Hebrews 4:1-11 NASB]

………..which leads then to;

For the word of God is living and active and sharper than any two-edged sword, and piercing as far as the division of soul and spirit, of both joints and marrow, and able to judge the thoughts and intentions of the heart. And there is no creature hidden from His sight, but all things are open and laid bare to the eyes of Him with whom we have to do.

Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold fast our confession. For we do not have a high priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but One who has been tempted in all things as we are, yet without sin. Therefore let us draw near with the confidence to the throne of grace, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.

[Hebrews 4:12-16 NASB]

be diligent to enter that rest; don’t leave room for yourself to default- be diligent, make the deliberate decision and steps to fill your heart, soul, mind, and strength with His Spirit… His words, or anything that is,

…true, honorable, right, pure, lovely, of good repute, of excellence and worthy of praise, dwell on these things.

[Philippians 4:8 NASB]

what’s included in rest?; verses 12-16—abiding in His word, His living and active word, resting, quieting yourself to recognize Him for Him and lay bare your heart before Him, rest in knowing that He knows what’s in there and has been tempted with the same. Rest in knowing that He not only understands and feels your pain with you, but already has prepared mercy and grace to lavish on you. He not only has compassion, mercy and grace to give, but has given you all the compassion, mercy and grace you will ever need for all eternity. He, being through the fire you now endure, without sin, chose to descend Himself to the lowest position of humanity that you may now have His mercy and grace in your time of need. And not only that, but that you may now draw near—with confidence!—to the throne of grace, the throne. You may draw near to the throne, for that is where you may receive His free gifts of help. Breathe. Breathe.

Off to rest--

He Cannot Discover.

lunes, 21 febrero, 2011

10A

Each day I’ve been filling up with a piece of Ecclesiastes & a Breaking Free verse or whatever New Testament book/verse I want to have in my mind that day. Today was in Ecclesiastes 8; and I have to be honest here, Ecclesiastes in NASB has been a bit difficult- his words seems so oddly arranged at times that they hardly make sense- which, of course, makes it easy to casually skip over those words/sentences/verses/sections. All too often I hear my thoughts stating that “‘this’(verse/section) doesn’t apply to me right now,”… that can be challenging to tackle. So whenever I hear my thoughts showing that type of mindset, I try to make sure I spend good time in those words, make sure those thoughts are taken captive to Christ.. These words really make me think, about why we do what we do, what it’s all really worth. And it's making me question why I do what I do, what my motives are and what I really care about—not just what I want to care about or wish I cared about—but truly, what is at the bottom of my joy today? That question keeps lingering in my mind, it’s been there quite some time. Few months; yet the answer I have yet to be certain of. I know what I desire it to be, what would be best.. yet I won’t let that lead me on, for my goal is not to achieve any particular status or state of heart or mind, for that would be of  my own achievements. The heart that I seek already exists, it needs not to be created but revealed. Accessed. Yielded to. This heart is hidden, hidden with Him whom I seek to know more than anything in my life, Him whom I yearn to love more than anything in my life.

Spending time in His words has had the biggest impact on my mind, going from ‘I have to do x,y,z today but I didn’t finish a,b,c yesterday so I’m going to fail. Yay me,” to, ‘forget tasks, today You’re here, the Lord is near, let’s do this-I gotta know You, they gotta know You'.’

[16] When I gave my heart to know wisdom and to see the task which has been done on the earth (even though one should never sleep day or night), [17] and I saw every work of God, I concluded that man cannot discover the work which has been done under the sun. Even though man should seek laboriously, he will not discover; and though the wise man should say,”I know,” he cannot discover.                                                                        (Ecclesiastes 8:16-17 NASB)

    [16] When I applied my heart to know wisdom, and to see the business that is done on earth, how neither day nor night do one's eyes see sleep, [17] then I saw all the work of God, that man cannot find out the work that is done under the sun. However much man may toil in seeking, he will not find it out. Even though a wise man claims to know, he cannot find it out.
(Ecclesiastes 8:16-17 ESV)

[16-17] When I determined to load up on wisdom and examine everything taking place on earth, I realized that if you keep your eyes open day and night without even blinking, you’ll still never figure out the meaning of what God is doing on this earth. Search as hard as you like, you’re not going to make sense of it. No matter how smart your are, you won’t get to the bottom of it.                                                                                                                              (Ecclesiastes 8:16-17 The Message)

Quite the difference there is between the NASB version and the Message version… either way, conviction for me—I like to know what’s going on, what things mean and all else there is to understand. That’s hard for me,,

Another conviction today; seeking my own.

1P

I’ve had quite the difficulty with discipline, getting down to it and focusing… haven’t gotten any homework accomplished yet; now’s the moment where I start.

8:37P

It feels so difficult, like i’m pushing against the rest of my being. homework, it’s just homework. why is it so hard to make myself focus?