take a moment

 Jesse Rachelle Yoder | 30 Nov 2012

 thoughts that flowed in a moment of reflection soaking up some sun
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last speech of that course is complete
course endured and conquered
i learned a lot about myself as a speaker and presenter,
and i seek progress, not perfection
therefore, i count it a success

the time was not wasted
it wasn't a necessary evil but
a muscle to be ripped, stretched, and strengthened

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the warmth of Your light
seeps beyond my chilly nerves
"let the bones which You have broken rejoice"
bones once shattered repair
patient nurturing relieves deep pains
aches wil not abandon me
however, beauty sprouts from dark spaces
Your grace is sufficient for me

healing happens silently
& growth even more discreetly
the ability to see is not always necessary
feeling, sense, discernment, & serenity
the real journey has no physical scene
physical is merely an aid
as allegory, metaphor, clay w/ which we visualize the journey

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light
powerful beautifying revealing leading energizing guiding providing life-giving seeping present warming sustaining satisfying comforting awakening reflecting fulfilling defining nurturing strengthening grounding regulating communicating transcendent smiling finding guarding living calling undying hiding-but-never-gone un-forsaking unending multiplying defying raw abiding

today's aching

i want a companion
i've been needing big bear hugs here lately
a justin hug
or a jd hug
or a papa hug

i've been feeling this way, & then He provides a way
He meets my needs thru His Body alive & living here near me
they have not overlooked me
they have not let me be

they see me in my shell
and they call to me each day

they will not leave me be
they look after me
they invite me each day
into fellowship, companionship, sisterhood, friendship, family

though thoughts of justin as my only sibling
thoughts of how he'll be the one that has always known me the longest
thoughts that bring burdens of years & years of pain
hardship, heartbreak, yearning, & unfulfilled desires

yes, my heart aches. deep, painful, unresolved aches
my God makes a way,
He provides an escape
not an escape from the pain but an escape from being consumed or defined by my pains

He called His disciples to action
His saints He has trained
they obey and act fast
they call my name, they eat with me, they speak with me, they laugh with me,

they call me out
....


AN EDIFYING CONVERSATION

He's just picked up the game, initiated some great convo between me & His saints & they call me to action... i think i've been afraid to be open & there's one girl who's real invested in me in a lovely sisterly way... she invites me over and over and then HE reaffirms that i need to obey

and all this just happening this week...

so i'ma start going to small group next week

DO IT!

i will.. He made that clear last night.

tell me tell me

i've been going to house church which is like a small group except ladies & gents & a married couple hosts & leads but students lead to and it's all discussion based and it's amazing soo real and never fails to strengthen His Spirit in me

well i had talked w/ Megan (next door neighbor who invited me into all this) about how i think i'm afraid to be a part of something b/c of past experiences & she was so understanding and met me where i was ...

that's awesome

then we spoke about purity, importance of having a mentor, improtance of community and being real & honest & bringing things into the light & His Spirit within said yes jesse you will not ignore my call any longer

I like this Megan character

she's amazing. beautiful beautiful heart and love for Jesus and love for others

and to think, HE knew all this was to come when i was assigned room 380 (:

He makes a way for me

and He will continue to

i always knew He would... but just to see it begin to manifest is...

i don't know the word

Isn't it awesome to see God work?

it is. it has been a while.

and I mean truly AWESOME!

the true awesome where there are no words to be said in the moment but rather a deep, content, affirmation recognized in the spirit

that's the one

it's wonderful to feel His Body moving again

life suddenly become more real

If I'm honest... I need more of that.

I love hearing about it, but the more I do, the more apparent it is to me how long it's been since I've experienced it myself.

1:15pm

exactly. & that's how He called me out. hearing Megan talk about all this that's going on in her life while at the same time she has deep, hard, rough, family stuff going on but hearing her talk about how the words in her devo each day were miraculously lining up with what was going on in life that day called me out to do the same. and i picked my devo back up & He has lined up His words and application with where i have been each day.

that was just monday

"keep the faith. Walk with Him today"

tough time turned to tougher will of mind.

the simplest things, words, gestures can ignite powerful encouragement in others.
thank you for sitting to eat with me, my brother. for your kindness and intentionality has energized me. thank you for spurring me on to work diligently at my trade as you work at yours.

tough time turned to tougher will of mind.

p.s. this community, oh, how they make a way for us to gather and enjoy life together!

I think I ought to start a new blog.
This one is geared toward very personal, poetic & spiritual ponderings.

It could be beneficial to have a separate blog to which I can post professional, work-related writing... the sort writing that I would hope to write for other blogs & what not.

So, I guess I'll work on that over Break!
For now - gotta keep my head in the books!

a gift, a burden, a destiny

words aching for release

they keep me from scholarship

they must be free

for me to be as i foresee

 Sometimes gifts carry burdens, but such burdens are light; for in using such gifts, another is built up. This, dear friends, is the beautiful work of Espíritu Santo. His Holy Spirit, living, breathing, moving within and between us. The burden of the gift is hardly a burden as it leads me to "run my race", to trudge away toward fulfilling the potential He destined in me. 

Jesse Rachelle Yoder | 27 November 2012

words aching for release

they keep me from scholarship

they must be free

for me to be as i seek

it's a whirlwind in this head of mine
many o' gray matter to decide where i stand

the things i do not grasp outweigh that which i do
even that which i consider known is subject to stray

if i know what i ought to do and yet do it not,
i am missing the archer's mark

to continue in a way as such, is to walk a lacking path
as there are paths abundant made out for me

ways are not external bliss,
no manner of trekking with winds harmonious

abundance is the internal state with which i travel
like an eye to the hurricane that surrounds me always



"God surpasses our dreams when we reach past our personal plans and agendas to grab the hand of Christ and walk the path He has chosen for us."

Don't trade your birthright for a bowl of stew.

Thought this was great, from http://lore.com/about/

"We’re born hungry to learn, a gift that pushes us to explore, discover, and study our surrounding universe. It’s what makes us human, and what pushes us forward. It’s why we wake up excited and go to bed restless. It breeds a sense of wonder, a sense that anything’s possible if only we learn how.
Learning is about people.
A class engrossed by a zealous professor. A reader hunting for answers. A pair delving into a fiery debate. Our pursuit of knowledge flows through our connections. And while we learn—while we consume, create, experiment—we’re teaching, too."

Oh, how i look forward to being in that so familiar place.

I am...
how can i answer that question?...

Utmost, Is Your Mind Stayed on God

Is Your Mind Stayed on God?

utmost.org Feb 11, 2012

 

You will keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on You, because he trusts in You —Isaiah 26:3

Is your mind stayed on God or is it starved? Starvation of the mind, caused by neglect, is one of the chief sources of exhaustion and weakness in a servant’s life. If you have never used your mind to place yourself before God, begin to do it now. There is no reason to wait for God to come to you. You must turn your thoughts and your eyes away from the face of idols and look to Him and be saved (see Isaiah 45:22).

Your mind is the greatest gift God has given you and it ought to be devoted entirely to Him. You should seek to be “bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ . . .” (2 Corinthians 10:5). This will be one of the greatest assets of your faith when a time of trial comes, because then your faith and the Spirit of God will work together. When you have thoughts and ideas that are worthy of credit to God, learn to compare and associate them with all that happens in nature-the rising and the setting of the sun, the shining of the moon and the stars, and the changing of the seasons. You will begin to see that your thoughts are from God as well, and your mind will no longer be at the mercy of your impulsive thinking, but will always be used in service to God.
“We have sinned with our fathers . . . [and] . . . did not remember . . .” (Psalm 106:6-7). Then prod your memory and wake up immediately. Don’t say to yourself, “But God is not talking to me right now.” He ought to be. Remember whose you are and whom you serve. Encourage yourself to remember, and your affection for God will increase tenfold. Your mind will no longer be starved, but will be quick and enthusiastic, and your hope will be inexpressibly bright.