Now, please realize that I do not claim any of these ideas or understandings to be right, logical or biblical. In all honesty, I recognize some of the thoughts to be in desperate need of Truth... that's part of why I wrote them out. I wanted to discover what it is I was really thinking, to then target what Truth I need to dive into in order to take those thoughts captive to Christ. Also, some are thoughts on how the Body is to be lived out in a community - that is another area that I am continuing to seek His ways through prayer and Scripture.
So there. Here's me, real vulnerable. Please be gentle with me.
'Cause, oh! to Grace how great a debtor daily I'm constrained to be.
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is there something inherently wrong with my tendency of investing and building up, collecting a circle or team, then building into the next group?
full time ministry isn't for everyone... YES, we are all to be disciplers as well as discipled. but does that mean we must fit into today's image of find a church, invest all your time and ministry into that one sect of the Body, and move up the chain of leadership until you are in full time ministry?
i really don't think it does. granted, i do see building into the Body around me as very important, tho i still struggle to see the "Body" to be the actual church body that is near me... is that so wrong? I see the body as this intangible, widespread, collection of vessels of the Holy Spirit, not a specific group of people that go to a certain church every week...
granted, i do see the importance of how the Body needs each body part to be using its function to build up the Body, the literal physical church so that its ministry can continue and can flourish... just as our generation needs true saints to stand up for His Name and be ambassadors in order to reveal the falseness of false teachers...
i recognize in myself the tendency to bounce around, to invest in one place for a while, then to latch on to a new place and pour in to the people there... i get around when it comes to embracing and being a part of many different groups of people... along the way i keep a few who enter my circle or at least i keep pouring into and encouraging... but besides my inner circle, people come and people grow, and people move forward...
i've discovered myself to be someone to try and ignite the potential i see in people... and there are some for whom i continually pour into and speak with and love on... then there are some that just walk right out of my days...
i don't recognize myself as an important part of the group... and they may not call me out and invite me to things because they get the vibe that i don't want to be there... them not inviting me then makes me feel as even more an outsider...
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so, ok. priorities.
schoolwork.
family. keeping in contact with my mom and chatting with my dad. family reunion
How has my time been spent these past few weeks?
Weekdays:
classes
schoolwork
lunch/chat time with Alison 2x week
chill/chat time with McKenna 2-5 hrs a week
10-11 AM MWF is quiet Scripture, journal, Celebration of Discipline time,
House church 7-10:30 PM
MWF lunch with Maddy, Nate, and random Revo ppl when our lunch times overlap
Weekends:
18th Revo
23-25th yearly tradition, bonfire with Cedarville friends. church at Xenia.
31-1st family reunion, then Revo.
6th-8th anniversary dinner, frisbee tournament with Cedarville friends, church at Xenia, picnic
13-15th this coming Friday is LT Reunion, Saturday with McKenna? then Sunday church and zoo with Cameron and Kristina and scheduling couples meetings.
20-22nd then the next weekend, Friday is cousin's play, then cousin's wedding,
27-29th next weekend is family weekend, seeing Ma & Pa?!
Where are my priorities?
academics
relationship with Christ
being there for the ladies around me
weekends, have been every other
- we're both trying to invest in the communities we're in
Talk with Megan................
wants to make sure i'm not focusing too much on the future and on the engagement that i neglect the process and individual growth that is still in-process...
focus on the process more: she noticed that I seem to cast a vision then run full fledge for that goal (which is absolutely characteristic of me), she wants to make sure that I take my time, walk through the process, be where I am, and am not consumed with thinking about the future.
has seen couples go thru things similar to us, granted she said they prob didn't have as strong a relationship and weren't as spiritually inclined, but she has seen them rush into marriage and then in the first few years realize they made things harder and then have a lot of pains... she said she wasn't as wary or thoughtful during their process and so basically wants to be a better friend and give perspective that she has learned...
it's about weighing the options, which better sets you up for success. (when i told her of our two possibilities, marry in a year or be separated for two years, she sounded empathetic and 'ohh between a rock and a hard place')
Megan also offered, how can she help? be thinking about that. she is the only friend that rather than just giving her two cents then hoping it goes well, she offered to step out of the kitchen, where you already have too many cooks, and to help you however you need help.
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