you, you Beautiful

To Wesleigh, a dear sister in Christ with whom I have had the delight of sharing life with. I realize I call you "Beautiful" often... may this give you a glimpse into the reasons why. Happy Birthday, may you experience a time of celebrating not only your life here but also the life you have in Him and how He is manifesting Himself in you here, now. With all my love, Jesse Rachelle.

hey you, you Beautiful
the days you called me out to pray
you lead me to His face
little victories you shared with me
I've never better seen His way
His Spirit, my dear sister, is strong within you
thoughts of you
thoughts of our times together
strengthen His Spirit within me
Hallelujah, we have a home

hey you, you Beautiful
deceit once tormented you
yet, you did not sway
still you praise His name
His Spirit adorns you in the fairest of ways
grace, kindness, dignity, and strength
your eyes you have kept focused high
your heart you have striven to guard
in your weakness He has shamed the strong
in your pain He has fulfilled you His vessel
you are of His Beauty,
His Beauty, you have become

hey you, you Beautiful
you walk by faith in this great Man
this Great One who is life and breath
His breath is the newness radiating forth from your presence
be not discouraged, be not deceived
though uncertainty may be,
each day you awaken is a day in which you,
you, His Beauty, cannot be dismissed from His presence
your perceptions will change,
He will be the same
yet different He may seem to the eyes of a heart in battle
for in battle, in strife, in growth, in foreign lands
He reveals Himself to a heart ever set on Him
take courage, my dear, He makes your way

a ray of undying purity shining through the night
a messenger of sturdy hope
a living revelation of the slow miracle
the miracle which El Shaddai has promised to His own
this heart aches in grief at the bungling of opportunities
with my own interests I have been consumed
in my own head I contained myself to roam
dear sister, how I desired to diligently invest in you
forgive me, may there be reconciliation if any damage done
in admission I confess to foolish thinking,
to allowing myself to make senseless comparisons
this heart needs remembering, or rather
returning to the feet of the Man who has made me His own
to journey, breath by breath, to the heart of Him 
to the heart of Him whom I cannot see, hear or touch
yet, to Him I see, hear and touch in all living things

Wednesday, 31 October, 2012
Jesse Rachelle Yoder

I realize that I must affix my gaze. I must decide once and then again with the beginning of each day... I must decide to remember. to remember the truth. remember the work You have begun in me. remember who You are. remember who I am. remember Your good servants. remember the spirits of each person I meet. remember my purpose by remembering Yours. remember my story by remembering Yours. remembering who I am by remembering who Your are. I have no idea what it looks like for me to love You on a day to day basis... in the little things, but You bless me with moments of it in the past. so I do have some ideas.
& in all honesty, it may look a little different each and every day.
forgive me, for I have feared abandoning myself to You.
I have feared picking up my cross.
Life is not life without You.
forgive me for my foolishness. and for thinking You'll just wait for me though I know by Your Spirit what I am to do. thank You for planting such a loving community around me.
please, remove my shame as You removed my guilt and placed it on Christ.
this - here - is the mission You have sent me on - beneath the same stars as Aguascalientes. here, this is where You have sent me to be light. Here - is where our ministry is. here. now. here, with You. I am alive. and I am Yours.
Holy Spirit, light Your fire in me.

what does it mean to be home?

 is it a place? a feeling? a state of mind? a combination? is it internally or externally driven? can "home" change? or does it simply seem to do so as it is to be discovered? is "home" different to each & every person, or can there be a truly mutual experience?
...can two people experience the exact same feeling/understanding?

does the potential I imagine for myself truly exist within me or is it a vision I created in respone to seeing the lives of those I aspire to learn from (& be like)
there's this different way, a manner, per say, in which I envision & inspire to live out my day to day life. but this change I see may only begin with a change inside of me. a real change of "me".
Lord will you see to it that this change is made in me?

external and internal atmospheres

how does one create an atmosphere?
what sort of atmosphere do I create for myself? for others?

how does my external atmosphere differ from that of my internal?

what does my atmosphere promote?

what do I do/think when on my own?
how is my internal environment affected by the external?

"Birds sing after a storm; why shouldn't people feel as free to delight in whatever sunlight remains to them?" Rose Kennedy -->

the time i have must be orchestrated in order that any free time i have is maintained as a space in which i am making progress in either my studies or the preservation and preparation of myself, that i may be ready to work whenever such an occasion rises

the position in which a leaf lands after dancing in the wind can determine whether or not it dances with the next move of the wind.

how true that principle is of us as well! how true that is of all life!

http://kevan.org/johari?view=hesseray

I think I've been trying to see what my life would be like without Him... I mean, without acknowledging Him, worshiping Him, or intentionally seeking Him...
truth be told, it hasnt been terrible, i am still friendly, still making friends, still have happy days, still have passions... but at the end of the day when my head hits the pillow, i am empty. ive always know this to be true.... but when thinking about presenting myself to others for the first time and having to know what i believe... there's a sense of insecurity, & even shame because what i want to say i believe is not reflected in how i conduct my days... how i spend my time.
where is my heart? how is my heart? what do i truly truly love? what do i truly truly worship? what do i truly truly fear?
i want to give my whole self from Him, but i fear... what is it that i fear?!
what is it that is keeping me from giving my whole self from Him?

Now. Now is my time. Not time under my ownership, but rather time for me to show who owns me. Time, space rather, in which i may live and breathe whatever it is that awakens my heart each morning. Passion.