feeling lonely. or is it just the letdown after a more than lovely evening.
i guess this is my reminder, i am not yet in my final home. i am not yet home tonight.

A Photo Update

my boy

Fajah & Mama celebrating Mama's Bday

going to see Abby in this on the 16th! get to see JD!

a package from Mama!

breakfast with Kay is one of my favorite parts of all my days

McKenna & I will be in 421 Fall 2013! Ecstatic about our choice!

Thursday nights = late night study w/ coffee & WCRD

Superbowl hangout

we were more entertained w/ battling & making my hair static than the actual game

been maintaining a relatively decent appearance

returning to my old habit of watching the sun rise first thing in the morning

feeling lovely, established & determined

finally mailing some handwritten letters for my month of a letter a day

woke myself up with walking flights of stairs, 'twas quite pleasant

rockclimbing with these lovely ladies

enjoyed a morning, just me & this precious gem

meet my friend... & my tired looking eyes

ready to work

Many photos, I know. 

I take so many and fail to share so many. 

Hope you enjoyed these brief glimpses of my days.

Does He Rejoice in this Little Victory?

I'd like to thing You would be proud of me right now. But then, I realize... I am doing nothing of extraordinary integrity. No, I am merely accepting responsibility. And a responsibility that I have been avoiding/ignoring all week. I know that my parents would say they're proud of me for this... and I know that You are well pleased in what I am doing... but I question how great of a celebration there would be if I came to You all excited to share this little victory. This seems to insignificant standing in the midst of all Your works and all You have seen. Then again, as a father rejoices in the victories of his beloved daughter, so You rejoice in the little victories that I walk through as You brought them about. You paved the way for this day... You specifically paved the way for me to walk through this day. You, then, clearly show an interest in me, who I am, what I do, what I think, how I live my life. You show an interest in receiving my attention and affections. Glory, glory, hallelujah! This unfulfilled desire a means to knowing Christ... this unfulfilled desire, satisfied and tenderly provided by Christ through You, Espiritu Santo.

Any victory of mine is not mine but rather a manifestation of His great victory that He is revealing through His people.

Setting My Mind

Just an incomplete thought: A mindset is a state of mind, a frame of reference which is intentionally set, positioned, pondered on and diligently guarded. 

Today, I remember - in all things I overwhelmingly conquer through Him who called/s me His and destined/s me to be ever conforming in likeness to His Great Son, in whom I am wholly satisfied, provided for, cared for, and home. 

And even more, I remember that which He so clearly, plainly, and personally spoke to me this morning. 

"I plan out each day and have it ready for you, long before you arise from bed. I also provide the strength you need each step of the way. Instead of assessing your energy level and wondering about what's on the road ahead, concentrate on staying in touch with Me. My power flows freely into you through our open communication. Refuse to waste energy worrying and you will have strength to spare. ... My Presence watches over you continually (always alert and active), protecting you from both the known and unknown dangers. Entrust yourself to My watchcare...."  

So to you, Spanish, I say I can face you, I can approach you with ease for internally, I am at rest. I do not fear your challenge, for I know what I ought to do and I sure do strive to follow through. Internally, and wholly, I am renewed in each new breath that I take. I refuse, I deny myself, I renounce to exert any energy to worrying - for the time which I have is only that which I have been entrusted a steward of. When I begin to worry or feel emotions of its likeness, I will remember that You are my Shield, my Shepherd - You actively guard me from that which would hinder our harmony - You have laid out this day before me and all I need do is look to You and You will bestow in me Your Power, the sufficient strength (nothing short of what I need) to walk each step.

So, in light of this, I will strive with my utmost concentration and a lighthearted spirit to walk (baby step by baby step) through this process of learning how to study, in all the integrity that I have seen in the walk of Christ. 

Process of Making Progress My Reality Today

How I am dealing with today's heavy load...

need to complete four 6 page study guides for history
workbook/listening activities/worksheet for spanish to be ready for quiz tomorrow
collect/cite 15 sources + abstracts for my annotated bibliography

Current time is 3:52 PM and tonight is my weekly commitment to fellowship from 5:30-10 PM.

I have approx. 90 minutes to accomplish as much as possible. 
I set my Time Timer for 20 minutes.
Thought - what's the game plan?
First thought - annotations, largest, most important to me, most desire to do 
BUT HIST class is my first tomorrow, therefore, I my plan of attack is in chronological order of the due dates (times). 

HIST due 12:30 PM Thursday
SP due 5 PM Thursday
ENG due 2 PM Friday

Even though I have a hesitant attitude toward History, it is merely because I am intimidated by its content and length.

Today, I remember - in all things I overwhelmingly conquer through Him who called/s me His and destined/s me to be ever conforming in likeness to His Great Son, in whom I am wholly satisfied, provided for, cared for, and home. 

So to you, World History, I say I will strive with my utmost concentration and effort to walk through these study guides in all the integrity that I have seen in the walk of Christ.

20 minutes: accomplished: 1. ate decent food + meds + gum 2. background noise (Iron Man 2) 3. accountability, told a friend what i aim to accomplish 4. game plan 5. state of mind + determination 6. opened book & answered 1st question 

next 20 minutes: accomplished: 1. added the accomplishments for 1st 20 minutes 2. ordered my COMM 201 textbook + made Mama aware of it 3. opened the window, & enjoyed the smell of fresh (rainy) air for a moment 4. went to the restroom 

next 20 minutes: 1. decided needed music rather than movie + hello, Michael Jackson 2. made it 'bout halfway thru 1st study guide

next 20 minutes: 1. finished Ch 1 study guide 2. responded to a few texts 3. printed something for Megan

Beginning to wonder if I should not go to House Church in order to continue working on these studies... or if i should still go & have a late night...

next 20 minutes: worked until time for Life Group

Late Night Ramblings

there is a grave difference between writing from the intellect and writing from the seat of emotions.

the battle between these two lands is an unending endeavor. however, since i have begun rising in the mornings and setting myself up for a productive day - i have found myself becoming more in touch with my intellectual side.

there is much more i ought to write through concerning these two lands. 

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came across some great life stories, blogs, and advocates for individuals with autism tonight.

carlysvoice.com/home | http://johnscottholman.com/ | http://empowerautismnow.com/

hearing from all of these people who are on the spectrum, aspies and such... those that have become writers, speakers, novelists, spiked national tv interest, and learned to embrace the beauty that is within them to then share it with those outside of them... hearing their voices, their stories, engaging with them - this just may be a great joy of mine that i best be engaging in on a regular basis to the benefit of everyone around me including myself..

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some of what's spinning in my own head tonight

i dont have a stuttering problem what i do have is a syncing problem...
often, my thoughts are moving so fast, and im so excited to express them, but they do not present themselves in coherent words... i understand the idea, i know what i want to express, but the words show up to me in a jumble & i fear slowing down to organize them b/c they may disappear... the words come to me and if i dont release them as they come they may never come again, they may be lost forever. so i stumble through the jumble, throwing out whatever words and phrases do come...

when this happens, i often feel as if i come off as some freaky airhead who cant express simple thoughts. but you must understand, hardly any thoughts are simple in my mind. for every thought i have is connected to larger networks of other thoughts and concepts. no thought stands as an island, isolated from any connections. no, never. and depending on the weight i attach to a thought or network those thoughts/networks that may seem so simple are not to me for they are of great power and have mighty potential. those networks are worlds to be explored! little worlds with which i am absolutely fascinated.

Clueless: Writing an About Me

I am working on writing an "About Me" for my blog. I want to be honest and approachable, and am having a difficult time deciding how personal or professional I want to sound.

Below are a few different versions I have drafted. Please, be kind. I am an amateur, clearly at the novice level with all things in the realms of writing, personal branding, social media, strategy, and management. I understand that this blog is currently for personal use, lacks any sort of strategy, schedule or target audience. However, my other blog, Academic Exploration, does have a more set subject, schedule, and audience. I will be using this bio for that blog as well.

Also, I am hoping to work with blogs and other forms of online communication in the future. Therefore, I am looking to dabble in these realms more consistently throughout this semester. I am eager to be continually learning and developing the skills necessary to be effective in online communication. 

 For those of you who are familiar with personal branding/online communication/social media and/or know me, please do weigh in!

 

Oh, the Many Questions I Have! 

1. Does it sound sort of ridiculous for me to write about myself in the 3rd person (esp. considering that I'm not a professional in any field)?
2. How do you choose between writing in 1st or 3rd person?
3. What do you think of what I chose to say? Do you think I chose an appropriate approach?
4. What would you suggest I add or remove to/from the bio?  
5. As a professional, what was your first-impression of me?
6. Personally, what was your first-impression of me?
7. Am I even in the ballpark? Is what I wrote anywhere near a bio that expresses me as a person and as a professional? 
8. I realize I focused more on the person than the professional, how may I better develop my bio to speak of myself as a professional?

Any other comments, suggestions, or resources you would like to share?

Version 1:

Jesse's the name, adventure's my game. 
Simply put, I'm a young renaissance woman venturing through all that is life. A devout learner, I am eager to maintain the connection between the knowledge I acquire and its application to daily living. Steadfast to my passions and to my cultivation as a person, I strive to acknowledge the lesson in each mundane moment. I am especially passionate about people pursing their passions and developing their potential. Driven by my desires to relate with others and be all I can be, I am diligent to do everything to my utmost ability.

In the dawning of my own personal narrative, I spend my time dreaming, developing, and discovering life as it comes.

My current focus is on my studies at Ball State University. I am studying Organizational Communication and minoring in Spanish. 

Version 2:

Jesse is a young renaissance woman venturing through all that is life. A devout learner, she is eager to maintain the connection between the knowledge she acquires and its application to daily living. Steadfast to her passions and to her cultivation as a person, Jesse strives to acknowledge the lesson in each mundane moment. She is especially passionate about people pursing their passions and developing their potential. Driven by her desires to relate with others and be all she can be, she is diligent to do everything to her utmost ability.

In the dawning of her own personal narrative, Jesse is currently dreaming, developing, and discovering life while digging into her studies at Ball State University.

The Loving Cafe

The Loving Cafe is currently my favorite go-to place in Fort Wayne. The food is great, the service is exceptional and the atmosphere is light. I highly recommend this place, especially for anyone who has food sensitivities similar to mine (gluten, casein, soy, yellow-corn), is vegan or vegetarian.

today's simple prayer

had a lovely conversation with Jessi tonight. i had the opportunity to share with her the words that so spoke to me a couple years back. the words of Erwin McManus speaking to the church, calling us out to love others and nurture the human spirit in them - wherever they are.

as i told her of this call that i believe to be good, i became so excited. i remembered the feeling of first hearing those words. of when i first realized that the thoughts i were wrestling were not bad or wrong but simply approaching the world from a different paradigm.

Jesus, my love for you and Your beauty has been renewed, remembered, recognized. i do love You, i have asked myself that recently. but thank you for this tidbit, that i still do acknowledge the beauty in each human being to be a beauty deliberately birthed by You. 

tonight, i lay my head to rest trusting that You will continue a great work in me, even while I sleep, You will continue working things out for You are not contained by time. 

"For He gives to His beloved even in his sleep." Psalm 127:2 NASB

"For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus." Philippians 1:6 NASB

Overview/Notes from Erwin McManus' Session

Notes from Erwin McManus' Session from GLS

A Quick Highlight of the Session

Feeling, Thinking, & Acting

state of mind is an absolute choice.

i realize that i wish to always "feel" alive, positive, confident, eager to conquer, ready to rise to whatever occasion may come my way each day.

truth is, feeling is feeling. feelings are in no way consistent, sturdy or truthful. feelings are not always honest. feelings have fallen to the distortion of the world. feelings are greatly influenced by many o' aspects of our beings.

feelings are greatly affected by sleep, hormones, food, flow, thoughts, environment & other physical and mental factors.

today, i realize that i do not feel a potential of inner-power, i do not feel energized, i do not feel like running around smiling, hugging & encouraging people.

with this i realized, how i feel and i act outwardly are two very different aspects of me that i mustn't confuse or bind in my mind.

my outward conduct - the things i do, the words i say, the looks i give people, the way i walk, the way i breathe - is a facet that is to be constantly thought of and acted upon.

to be continued...